When it was obvious that my husband had indeed developed Alzheimer’s disease our lives changed drastically. The short term memory was the first big factor, then as the months went by behavior traits became more obvious.

Christmas of 2009 was the last Christmas he spent at home. It was a good time with family and lots of good food to eat. It was also evident that at times he didn’t quite understand what was happening. He smiled some, enjoyed his Christmas dinner but a part of him just was not there.

On December 15, 2010 he began his stay in his new home, a nursing facility. He had stayed there before through the Hospice caregiver program and did so well that it was decided that was where he would be living out his life. On the trip up the interstate he suddenly knew where he was going and you could tell he was excited about seeing familiar faces. When the staff came out to greet him and we took him inside it was like a homecoming. What more could you ask when your loved one of 38 years has to make a huge lifestyle change.

In December of 2011 he was visited by family and given gifts. He joked a little, teased his younger brother and ate cookies. His son and family traveled from out of state to visit Dad and Granddad. He knew who they were and had a good visit with them. His two stepsons and their families were able to visit during the Christmas holiday as well.

The next four weeks were the most difficult as he began having many problems swallowing, a problem he had had all along but was worsening. A visit from his brother, son and step-sons had been arranged for the new year of 2012, but it was a bittersweet time. One day he seemed to be okay, the next he was not. The visits ended and family left for home.  On January 15, 2012 with his stepson and daughter-in-law by his side he breathed his last breath and fell into the arms of our Lord. We joined together around his bedside and cried in our grief, then the hardest of all, packed up his belongings and returned to the safety of our homes.

This December 2012 was a different celebration, our husband, dad and grandfather was not present in body but his spirit was there with us. We ate and laughed and opened our gifts just as we have always done. It was a time of remembering how much he loved having his family gathered together.

This was the beginning of new memories. The freshness of the pain and grief was not as vivid but we all knew he was in our hearts. Our whole family except for our daughter was together for the first time since his passing and the oldest grandchild announced he and his sweet girlfriend were getting married. Yes, it is a new time in our lives. A time we will cherish as each day goes by and new memories are made.

November 13, 2010 – At 6:30 pm he decides he wants to go to bed. It is too early in reality. But any other solution is futile.

It is very hard to play Solitaire on the computer with tears running down your face and through the core of your body while your loving husband keeps calling out ‘help me’. He doesn’t need help, he needs to sleep. But Alzheimer’s is a disease of the brain and his brain will not cut off. It brings images of disturbing things. Could be dogs, could be red lights, and could be most anything that his decaying brain conjures up before sleep finally takes over. Medications can slow down the body, but not leave it restful, ease the brain but leave it slurred and confused. Sleep does not come easy.

Don June 2010

The nights when sleep finally does come it is a heavy deep sleep and my dear one sleeps until daylight, or perhaps he is just lying there toward sunup waiting for the day to begin. At any rate in this mid/late stage of his disease his sleeping all night is my only stable during this terrible nightmare we are living. But this night he cannot settle down.

Will there ever be a time when this disease can be slowed to where one can be a useful being until a death of natural causes takes away the pain of Alzheimer’s. My husband has a younger brother with early onset of Alzheimer’s; my hope is there will be some more medications developed soon to delay the progression of his destiny.

My concern is not just for my husband and his brother but their only sons as well. Will they be spared this hell? In years to come will they be able to get help in order not to have to go through this agony? Will they be able to live out their lives in their own homes?

Nursing homes are not equal to one another. Choosing a nursing home that is clean, nice to walk into with a full staff to care for their patients may be all you can do. Is a nursing home with a special wing for patients with Alzheimer’s better than one that does not have special care? Does a veteran’s nursing home care for the veteran any better just because they served their country in the armed forces?

Too many questions and not enough answers – - and still he calls and calls and calls. 7:30 pm, I must go; at least one more time. Dear Lord Keep Watch over us as we traverse this horrible time in our lives.

By now he is scooting himself into the middle of the queen size bed he calls home for the greater part of the day. I am distressed as he is going too close to the edge of the other side of the bed, then I learn he is upset over the bed rail and was getting away from it. My tears come again and he is trying to comfort me. Wonder why my emotional upsets bring him to a new awareness of our relationship? I lean over to him and he puts his arm around my shoulder and I shed a few more tears. This is just so hard and unfair. No one deserves to go through what his mind and body are going through. There are more tears.

After a bit; I leave him to get ready for bed leaving his side table light on. He is quiet for a bit and then wants the light off. He calls out again and I go to tell him I am going to bed. All the house lights are off except one lamp in the back of the house. We sleep.